I had known Royce for the better part of a year. We had quickly become close friends. We live quite some distance apart, but he made a visit to my neck of the woods at one point. We met several times and chatted at length while we were in the same area. One of these times, he actually offered to do sketches of people. What he didn't know was how badly I wanted to do this. I had every intention of asking him if he would, but ended up chickening out instead.
Royce could not have known that I had wanted to model for figure drawings for decades. I was very upset with myself for passing up what I thought would be the only opportunity I would ever have. But, some time later, Royce actually asked ME if I'd be interested! Interested? - I'd been aching to do it, just never had the nerve to actually go through with it.
Because of my intense desire to do this, I've always thought it funny the way Royce asked if I'd be interested. The following are his exact words, as sent to me via e-mail: "I am not sure if you would be interested in being a model. But I would like to do some thing of you. The object of intent is not to create portraits so much, I am not a portrait artist, rather to find inspiration in the human form, as well as drawing from the scope of the photograph itself. You know each photo has a sort of magic about it anyway. It is a split second in time recorded. And it is recorded for any number of reasons, and that makes them all so very interesting to me. Let me know if you think you want me to do something of you....and I totally understand if you don't think that you can. I do understand..."
I couldn't agree to model for Royce fast enough! The ice was finally broken. Although, over the next few months, Royce would find out just how clueless I was about all of it, as he tried to help me find a pose and figure out how to photograph it, etc., etc. With what I know now, I find what I was offering to him as drawing reference almost funny, because it was so poorly done and unsuitable for drawing reference. But, despite that, Royce made it work.
It's hard to describe what ones feels when looking at and studying a figure drawing realizing that it's your very own figure that was used to make the drawing from. I don't think this can be explained in a way that can be fully understood without actually having the experience. When Royce shared his drawing with me, it was an incredible thing to me. I must have studied and looked at his drawing for hours. It was the very first drawing of "me" that ever existed, and it was, is and always will be very special to me for this reason. This one drawing started me on a course that I would have never dreamed could actually happen to me, despite how much I'd wished that it could.
Some time later, a few of us, including Royce, decided to get together and try an experiment. We decided to see if a figure drawing group could exist in cyberspace. I was quite anxious to see if this could happen, right from the first time the idea was first tossed out there in my e-mail exchanges with Royce. Since, initially, there would only be three group members, 2 artists, and 1 model, and I was that model, it was fairly obvious that I would have to be the initial example of how this was to work. So, the group began, and the first drawing assignment was announced, for which I was the model. And, this was how and why Royce decided to do his second drawing of me.
One day I found myself with the time to create a series of potential drawing reference photos. It was a series that I called "at rest". As it turned out, Royce was available by webcam to help me and make suggestions, watch, and guide me a bit in the process. It was a new experience, presumably for both of us. To continue the interesting experience, on a later day, I happened to be available by webcam when Royce decided to take a quick break and create a drawing from one of the poses. So, I got to watch the drawing! There's something that a "live model" would never quite be able to do :-;. In addition, Royce was also experimenting with using Crayola Crayons as a drawing material, making this drawing quite a fascinating combination of experiments and firsts.
In addition, I think it's quite significant that this drawing is the 51st drawing that has been done of me (barring some I don't know about). It's hard for me to believe that this can be true. The first one, by Royce, was done only about one year ago. And, at that time, I figured it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing that would never again happen for me, and was amazed that it ever happened once. But, only a year later I reflect back on 51 drawings in complete disbelief and amazement. From the first one to the 51st one, I can't say that I enjoy them any less. But, it's happened enough now that it does start to feel a little different. I can take "myself" out of them a little bit more emotionally and really just study them for the appreciation of them. I couldn't do that at all initially. I can only imagine what the future could hold. And all this from the belief that it never would happen for me at all, no matter how much I'd wanted it to.
I believe Royce considers this drawing only an initial sketch, so I anticipate an update to come. But, in the meantime, I wanted to share this sketch and my thoughts about it. I think Royce has, again, captured something here. I wish I could more effectively put into words what it is. Royce has mentioned that he doesn't necesarily think of himself as a "portrait artist", and I think it could be said that it's not necesarily the aspect of "photographic-oriented likeness" that is at play here. But, there is a feeling, a mood, or something along this line that is captured in many of Royce's drawings, and I sense it in this one. It says to me, (in this case since it is me as the model) "that's me". It reflects 'me' in some emotional way - if this makes any sense at all. In a more broad sense, if I take "me" out of it, I think it reflects, in an emotional way, the reality of the figure in the drawing. It creates a sense of humanity, or a sense of what it is like to be human.
As anticipated, this is the completed painting.
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